Chasing Miss Kensington
by Ariqa
Summary: Fred and George return to Hogwarts for 7th year. Random misadventures ensue involving mistaken identities and a series of misunderstandings involving a certain Miss Kensington. Who will end up with who? Stay tuned... GWOC FWOC Undergoing major revision.
1. Encounters of a Twin Kind

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling provided the universe, I just play in it.

**Chapter 1: Encounters of the Twin Kind**

"Frederick Weasley if I catch you forcing another Wizard Wheezes on a first year again, I'll hex you so bad, George will feel it!" Ginny threatened, her cinnamon eyes ablaze with a ferocity rivaling their mother, Molly Weasley.

"Oi! Ginny, a little product testing won't harm anyone." Fred cajoled as he frantically stuffed the colorful but havoc wreaking sweets into his already bulging pockets.

"Just like a little owl to mum won't hurt anyone – not even a certain ginger haired entrepreneur and his equally devious twin." Her innocent insinuation fell upon alarmed ears.

"Now, now let's not be so hasty. Mum is far too busy to be interested in our modest enterprise." He paled at the thought of being on the receiving end of the Weasley matriarch's dragoness tendencies. Much as Fred loved the old girl, she could out shriek a Howler and draw her wand almost as fast as he could apparate.

"Just stay in your seat and don't conduct any 'market research' in the train corridors. I need to have a word with your business partner in crime." The sixth year Gryffindor shoved her brother into a nearby compartment and slammed the door shut behind him.

_Better you than me George. _Fred glanced about, searching for an empty spot. Four hefty trunks, a broom case, a caged owl and an odd mechanical dragon the size of a cat occupied the space to the right. To the left, reclined a girl on her stomach. Clad in torn and faded khakis capris, her toned legs were connected to a rather adorable bottom. _Not that I would notice such a detail being the upright gent that I am._ Scratching an itch, the stranger inadvertently pushed up a tattered T-shirt to reveal black calligraphy etched onto the lower contours of her back. His mouth grew drier than a Saharan desert as he admired the oriental tattoo. Fred pondered its meaning and more importantly whether or not the inscription went down any further…

Music blared from her oversized headphones. He was about to introduce himself when suddenly she stood up on the seat in front of him. Her eyes were still closed as she passionately belted out the words to 'Zombie' by the Cranberries. Fred ducked to deftly avoid being struck with her twirling wand that served as a pretend microphone. _More like a drunken pirate with a rubber rapier. _ Sighing Fred knew the lyrics by heart because George had played it constantly. Curses to Hermione Granger who had brought over a muggle cd player to the Burrow. To keep his sanity and to refrain from strangling George thus rendering his singing career mercifully short, Fred had vanished the disc to the depths of a pond (hopefully bottomless) in an undisclosed field. However it was rotten luck that Granger had bought George that particular album for Christmas. Listening to his twin scream in an unnaturally high voice (_reminiscent of George pre-puberty_) was torment to anyone with taste let alone ears. Fred vowed to prank Hermione back for that particular atrocity. Yet unlike George's banshee inspired rendition, Fred found himself soothed by this girl's ethereal tones. He stepped back again as she narrowly missed poking him in the nose.

While she was distracted in her rapturous swaying to the song, he unabashedly took the opportunity to study her… intently. There was an exotic cast to her features: her pouting lips and a pixyish nose graced golden skin set against jet black braids. Her hands whirled in complete abandon as she kept pace with the frantic rhythm of her air guitar (air wand) her head bobbing in defiance. Not wanting to be left out or to be struck by a flailing arm or wand for that matter, Fred grabbed her. Startled she squealed as he spun her around before dipping her into his arms. If not for his firm grip, she would have fallen on her _oh so delectable arse. _As she untangled herself from her headphones, their gazes collided in an unforgettable instance. So striking, those amethysts encircled by long sooty eyelashes that fluttered back at him with slight indignation.

"Hello." Fred grinned roguishly as he was unable to stop staring at her and even more unwilling to release her. _Why does he keep staring at me, do I still have jam on my face like I did at the coffee? Umm wait a minute why isn't he letting me up…_

"What the Hecate, can't you Brits introduce yourselves with a simple handshake? You scared the shi…shirt off me."

Mortification suffused her cheeks. Whether it was the embarrassment of being caught in a rock star fantasy or the fact that a strange albeit hot (_alright HAWT)_ guy was holding her so intimately, she was unnerved. It did not help her composure to notice how snugly they melded together. _Did my inner witch just growl?_

"No I'm sure shirts are mandatory for the school uniforms. But what a first impression that would make. As for the handshake, do you not see how 'occupied' my hands are at the moment?" Those Weasley eyebrows waggled rather wickedly. "I'm Weasley, Fred Weasley. But if you call me sweetheart and give me a peck, I might set you free." _There you go Fred me boy, pour on that Weasley charm, the same charm that got Mum stuck with seven kids._

"Alright pucker up sweetheart. I'll give you a 'smack' you won't forget." Her velvety growl reinforced the threat. _Still he was pretty cute for an arrogant pervert. _

"Promises promises." He pouted not so innocently. Reluctantly Fred let go. "Now what is your name my little songbird? Do you prefer luscious? Princess? Honeycheeks?"

"I'm Star… Barrington. And don't call me Honeycheeks, Mr. Frecklebuns. HEY! Are you _the_ Fred Weasley of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes?" She could barely stop herself from fluttering about in excitement.

"Guilty. My brother George and I both run the business."

"So what are you doing on this train, selling compartment to compartment?" Star joked as she offered him a bag brimming with Bertie Bott's jellybeans.

"Thanks. Actually I'm here to finish up my final year seeing that my education was interrupted a while back." Fred told her the humorous tale of the Weasley brothers escape from Hogwarts complete with swamp and fireworks.

"That is seriously cool. You wouldn't happen to have brought these fireworks with you?" Star queried eagerly. _Nothing like starting the year off with a big shiny bang._

"Why Miss Barrington, surely you were informed that all 257 Weasley's Wizard Wheezes are banned from school." He snickered as her face fell. "However being that this is product number 258 and not yet on the black list, I can and will in good conscience bequeath this token of my immense esteem upon you. What Filch doesn't know can and will hurt him." With a flourish reminiscent of Houdini himself, Fred presented her with an elaborate bouquet of firecrackers from his sleeve.

"You do know the way to a girl's heart… pretty sparkly objects of mayhem. I've never seen these before. Do you sell them overseas yet? I usually have to special order your stuff through Yukleys in Vancouver." As if they were actual flowers, she sniffed them appreciatively, admiring their vibrancy and the distinctive whiff of gun powder … and trouble.

"These are called Rainbow Infernos. I'd be honored if you test shot them. Preferably in some place dismal like potions class." An imp named Forge inspired him to add the last statement. "By the way, where is Vancouver?"

"It's a city in western Canada where I live. My parents travel around the world on business. This year they're in Hong Kong but I decided to go somewhere different for my final year. I've heard that Hogwarts is one of the best wizarding schools in Europe. But how's the quidditch?" She chattered nervously as he studied her blush with a knowing expression of smugness.

"A fellow quidditch fiend? You've come to the right school! There are four house teams: Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Slytherin and Gryffindor the best team of them all. I used to be a beater myself? Do you play?"

"Absolutely, it's my favorite sport with hockey being a close second. I was a chaser on my old team." Star's fingers itched to take out her broom at the mere mention of quidditch. _Soon my precious._

"Well I hope to see you at tryouts if you are sorted into Gryffindor - of course." He nudged her good naturedly. "If you're sorted elsewhere, prepare to be bludgered hard and bludgered often. Though I'm confident that your flying will be brilliant especially after witnessing your dance performance." His rakish lip biting was making her stomach do triple axles.

Leaning an arm across the top of her seat he casually _(more like intentionally) _brushed against her. He was close… close enough to pilfering a green jelly bean. Fred hoped it was apple as he flipped it into his mouth. _HABENERO! Must swallow liquid now before mouth explodes! _ The spiciness caused him to turn redder, if that was possible, than his hair while he searched around desperately for something to quench the fire burning molten on his tongue. _So much for playing it cool. _Gratefully he accepted some pumpkin juice. As this was the first time Star had ever tried Bertie Botts, she enjoyed the wild flavors. After biting into a wasabi one, she decided to be a Girl Scout and stocked up on pumpkin juice to wash out any revolting surprises. Every bean was an adventure and some were toxic disasters. Downing an entire bottle of sweet nectar salvation, Fred grabbed another fistful of jellybeans. _Brave and greedy aren't we?_

"Now I'm not sure if you're courageous or just insane." She goggled at him in disbelief.

"Bit of both I reckon. Mostly I'm a glutton for punishment. Care to mete out some?" He leered as she whapped him with a cushion playfully. "Ouch, I've known you less than an hour and already with the abuse of easily bruiseable Forge. It must be love."

"No I think you inspire this feeling… the urge to hit you with any convenient object. Be thankful that the hard and pointy ones are out of reach." Bantering with him was quite amusing. _Sneaky brat that he is for trying to steal my last chocolate frog. No man should come between a woman and her chocolate. It would Russian roulette with his life or at least his manly parts.. _"Now unhand my chocolate frog, villain or suffer the wrath of my fierce dragon." She motioned to the tinker dragon as it snored out smoking z's.

"Fierce indeed and quite vigilant your drake is. Your chocolate treasure is secure against all brigands." He dangled the wriggling frog before her lips before slipping it into his own much to her mock outrage. "Except one."

He was getting good at dodging those cushions as he blocked a particularly squashy one from interrupting the dreams of her dragon familiar. It was a curious hybrid of machine and magic. Fred succumbed to the temptation to pick it up and examine it closer.

"Wait don't…"

The dragon yawned exposing crooked little teeth when it let out a metallic but suspiciously vile sounding: "Pffffffft." A small pinkbomb exploded on Fred who gagged at the sickly cloying perfume. More horrifying were the pink tie dyed blotches evolving into heart clusters on his jumper and cords.

"He's still experimental and somewhat grouchy." Star apologized but failed to smother her infectious giggles. Even Fred was not immune as he started to laugh.

"I don't believe pink goes with my red hair and complexion. The fashion gods will strike me down." He flounced away as if he were a runway model tottering in high heels. His lisp was so serious that they both cracked up. "I better go clean up and see if George can lend me some robes. I'll see you in a bit." Fred stood up and left with a quirky wink.

Star selected a random magazine and started flipping through pages when the door opened again.

"If you miss me I won't be offended if you indulge in a little Fred fantasy, honeycheeks." He blew her a saucy kiss and nimbly avoided several not so soft missiles that were chucked his way before he could beat a hasty yet strategic retreat. _Her aim is improving Fred, she may make a good beater yet._

_

* * *

_

_Hmmm. A magical vengeance spell for a cheating boyfriend. 10 ways to tell if he loves you or wants to hex you. Love potion number 9: which brand has the fewer number of calories? What garbage, I can't believe my sister has time to read this slop and still manage perfect grades._ Star rifled through her disorganized trunk for her quidditch catalogue. Groaning from failure, she grabbed her school robes and headed out into the corridor towards the lavatory aka the tinkletorium. _GASP!._ Markus Slagwort the III was heading in her direction. Staggering, she ducked into the nearest door.

_Broomsticks and damnation_. This was the boy's washroom. _Think. Hide. Someone is coming in. _She dashed past the stalls, turned a corner and crashed into a leanly muscled and glistening wet chest. Looking up she stared into Fred's shocked expression.

"Weasley, shut it! We have to hide." She squeaked putting her hand none too gently over his mouth before he could retort. Pulling him into the shower, she yanked the curtain behind both of them. It was cramped and still steamy from the hot water. Their bodies were pressed together. She could hear her heart ticking like a bomb or was it his?

"Are ye sure ye saw 'er in the hall sir? This is the boy's loo. I didna think anyone is inna 'ere."

"Perhaps." An aristocratic voice sniffed disdainfully. "Continue searching the rest of the train."

At the sound of the closing door, Star expelled a repressed breath of relief. With growing discomfort, she realized that she had spread Fred up against the tiled wall quite aggressively. Sandalwood soap and the fresh grass of a quidditch pitch invaded her nostrils. Removing her hand slowly from his lips, she traced her fingers along the broad line of his jaw to push the shaggy auburn locks away from his forehead. His aquamarine glower darkened with interest, starkly contrasting with the alabaster expanse of skin, _the largely uncovered expanse of skin_.

Resisting the desire to ogle (_for more than a few seconds anyways) _ his sculpted torso and the faint band of muscle that stretched tautly between his hard stomach and hips, she pinched herself hoping the pain would bring her hurtling back to planet earth. _Concentrate girl. No don't look at his drenched chest. Ack! Don't look down there either! Stop looking at the towel or more precisely stop thinking about what is underneath that towel. _Staring at his feet, his rather large feet… _Ok now my mind is descending from the gutter into the sewer. Big feet means big shoes nothing else. __Hormones off – brain switch on.._

"S - sorry, I'll explain later, I have to go." Sputtering, her gaze wandered upwards along the smooth freckled planes of calves to the granite stretches of thighs. _Forget about God blessing the queen. God bless mom Weasley and God bless quidditch! _

His ears were tinged pink, the flush infested his body. She was surprised that in the current circumstances, he remained silent, not even throwing out a suggestive comment to slice through… this tension. Finding his modesty more endearing than the overt flirtation in the compartment she beamed at him. Again was the irresistible urge to push his bangs away, she gave in to it. He held her captured fingers against his squared cheek. _It was 120 watts of electrifying…_

"Do you normally barge in on someone's shower? Or do you care to offer me a back scrubbing?" He teased with a lopsided attempt at a come hither smile.

"FRED WEASLEY! You're impossible!" Star jerked away as if singed by the sun and tugged down the cold water shower chain. Smirking, she made her triumphant escape while he yelped in the torrent of her arctic retribution.

George shuddered. _Well that's what I get for trying to act like Fred. Where does that twin of mine meet such intriguing girls? _Perhaps they didn't drop out of the sky but they sure had a way of bursting in on his encounter with the raven haired vixen and her smolderingly bold glances he decided that a cold shower was necessary. The colder the better.

Star stepped into the ladies room. _Definitely the ladies room, no half naked redheads around to drive her libido to the loony bin. _Cautiously she checked under each stall for telltale feet. There was a faucet running but no one washing up.

"Hello is anyone here?" Silence met her query. A toilet stall creaked open. _Creepy. Where's the cheesy slasher music?_ Pulling out her wand, she tensed in anticipation. A presence shadowed the room, the light breeze betraying its movement. She eased away slowly and let out a screech when hands grabbed her from behind…


	2. Dr Barrington's Lavatory

**Chapter 2: Dr. Barrington's Lavatory**

"Looking for me?" A girl materialized out of the ether.

"Holy Hecate! Why is everyone trying to give me a coronary today? I was this close to hexing you a new orifice." Her nerves were earthquake victims, they darted around in the chaos of her head screaming and panicking while not doing her any good. Impostor Star frowned at the real Star Barrington who was wearing black Hogwarts robes, an elegant French braid and an almost bemused expression.

"Charming imagery. Where's your sense of humor, Sky? Did you forget to pack it along with those quidditch magazines of yours?" Star's lips twitched upwards while she straightened her cravat in the mirror. She felt slightly guilty for removing the magazines to make room for her cosmetics case and few more essentials. Beauty before sports was her motto.

"This is no time to be messing around. Markus is here on the train with his goon squad. What are we going to do?" Sky began to pace with uncharacteristic concern and seriousness as her sister admired herself in the mirror.

"Personally I think we should obliviate them all followed by a discreet one way portkey to Siberia." Star deadpanned as she fixed her clumping mascara.

"Forget Siberia how about another dimension? Do you think we can find one with carnivorous vegetation?" Staring off into space, Sky seemed to deeply consider interstellar banishment as a viable option. Inwardly she scowled; she was not going to allow a Slagwort to frighten her into a boy's washroom ever again.

"As tempting as that sounds, I am certain that a missing mafia prince won't go unnoticed." Not trusting her twin's dangerously contemplative expression or the gunslinger manner in which Sky was twirling her wand, Star jabbed her sharply.

"Killjoy." The thought of a duel at high noon appealed to Sky's impulsive nature.

"We'll have to bluff them. Since they obviously know where I am, they must either suspect that you are with me or they anticipate that you will join me." Star was experienced at reigning in her sister's reckless behaviour ninety percent of the time. It was the other ten percent that made their lives unpredictable.

"So we can't fight and we can't run." Reason and reality intruded into Sky's renegade fantasies of throwing Markus off the train… literally.

"Precisely. I will be me until they leave. For now _stay_ out of his way. I'm not joking either." Star removed the black crystal pendant from her own neck and placed it over Star's head.

"Star, you're certifiable if you think we can pull this off for a year."

"Thank you for the diagnosis Dr. Barrington. Have faith. Our plan is flawless. Although if you had just explained to mom and dad what has happened we would not have to resort to such drastic measures."

"You know why I can't. The Slagwort family is ruthless. Destroying our parents' company is the least they could do…" Sky looked so forlorn than Star hugged her sister in comfort.

"That will never happen." Her confidence faltered as Star remembered the disappearance of the prosecutor who attempted to bring down Slagwort Enterprises.

"I regret dragging you into this mess but I can't tell Mom and Dad. I can't tell them what I saw…" Abruptly Sky tore away from her twin's embrace.

"I promise. As far as everyone else is concerned you are backpacking in South America. Magnus will not find you let alone hurt any of us." Conviction took root in Star's voice. They had to succeed in this venture for the alternative was horrifying.

"Listen to me, all weak and weepy. Of course this is going to work. It's us after all." She was a bodycheckem-to-the-boards type of girl and it was high time for her to start acting like it.

"Alyxandria Sky Barrington. Crying is not a sign of weakness. You are the biggest baddest witch of them all with a capital 'B'. After all who had the most penalty minutes in junior league?" Hoping to distract her twin, Star began fixing Sky's hair into a style resembling her own.

"Thanks for reminding me." Sky grimaced after receiving a not so friendly yank on her hair from the unforgiving comb. Shuddering, Sky looked at the confusing assortment of beauty products on the vanity counter. Those tweezers looked like an implement of medieval torture.

"What's with all this crap, am I your mad scientist experiment? If you break out the bikini wax I am so out of here."

It was mind boggling that such an incredible amount of gunk could fit in such a small purse (see: black hole). The identity of the lotions and powders and their uses mystified her. To be fair, Star never understood Sky's collection of spare parts and prototypes either. Some girls obsessed over shoes, Sky was fascinated by gadgets and gizmos.

"I will not even dignify that statement with a comment. Now about your wardrobe, you do realize that I wouldn't be caught dead in that outfit."

Star scrutinized Sky's tatty grunge attire with disgust. _I've seen better rags on an inferi. _Her mock haughtiness provoked the latter to mutter. Secretly she was eagerly pleased to be able to reform Sky's fashion sense. Given her sister's obstinancy it was likely that this reformation would involve shock therapy, blackmail and a violent revolution.

"Pardon me while I break out the Prada. Why does it really matter how I dress? No one at Hogwarts knows you and we'll be wearing these school robes most of the time." Huffing in annoyance Sky shifted her eyes towards the ceiling and prepared for a lecture on designer clothes and appropriate accessories.

"Firstly you agreed to this when we were making this scheme. Secondly you are in dire need of an style overhaul. This dumpster diving look has to go where it belongs… in the trash. Lastly unlike Magnus, Markus is deviously clever. I would not put it past him to have spies here. So everything has to be believable. If you're pretending to be me, you have to act and dress like me." Star finished the last minute touches on her sister's makeup with an undisguised look of triumph.

"It's not enough that I had to remove my piercings and grow my hair down to my waist which by the way takes forever to deal with. Then you force me into the girliest pastel outfits. I draw the line at pink and glitter - you've pushed me too far. But the disrespect towards my quidditch jersey that's just sacrilegious." Sky's whining was tinged with irritation because Star had yet again emerged victorious from their argument and in getting her way. Begrudgingly she was surprised that the makeup flattered her. The fact was unsettling.

"Better pretty in pink than dead in black." The bejeweled headband was malicious gloating on Star's part.

"Alright. Alright." That headband was going to end up buried at the bottom of her trunks the moment the train ride was over.

"Just be careful."

"Cautious as a virgin on her wedding night." Quipped Sky. Buttoning up her robes she touched the stone to activate the invisibility pendant.

"So who was that cute redhead I saw you with?" Her questions about boys were never casual.

"Fred Weasley." Mumbling, Sky was glad that no one could see her face redden.

"Tsk tsk, not even started classes yet and already you're breaking hearts."

Sky let out a litany of curses in Cantonese. Her sister was well versed in the art of interrogation verbal and otherwise. But what vexed her most was Star's superior look and her uncanny ability to harass.

"He sounds interesting. I don't think you have ever abused those particular phrases before. I think I feel the winds of romance stirring?" Star smirked with the realization that this was the first boy to inspire such a power reaction from her younger sister.

"Please. It doesn't matter anyways he thinks I'm you. So technically he is interested in you." _There was nothing new there; most boys fell over themselves to chase after Star. Not that she minded, it left her more time for quidditch and hockey._

"Weasley why does that name sound familiar? Oh isn't he the guy that invents all that gag stuff you l-o-v-e. I couldn't help but notice the way he was eying at you. It seemed awfully cozy in there. Mrs. Alyxandria Sky Weasley has a nice ring to it… I've always wanted to be a young aunt, how does a dozen nieces and nephews sound?"

"Augmenti!" Sidestepping the water dowsing spell Sky sent her way in retaliation, Star quickly exited the washroom before her twin could conjure up something more inventive and quite possibly painful. _Hmm. Maybe she could play cupid to her love challenged twin._

_

* * *

  
_

_Fred Weasley is an aggravating, lecherous, chocolate frog thieving smartass._ This was Star's conclusion after spending two hours with him. He was immune to her insults but he knew exactly how to provoke her. How maddening. It was a rare day that the empress of manipulation had her crown plucked from her. Star refused to let him see how much he infuriated her but the less reaction she displayed the more he infringed upon her boundaries. The legendary Star Barrington cool approached critical combustion. Weasley could drive a saint to swear, then drink and possibly commit homicide in no particular order.

For a girl used to coy and civilized courtship, his attempts to flirt with her bordered on obnoxious and absurd. But crime of all crimes, he ate her last chocolate frog. Her wand twitched to turn him into a slug. Worst of all she thought he was appealing. _No. Hell no! Damnation. _Disloyalty gnawed at her because she suspected that Sky was attracted to him. Shoving her traitorous feelings aside, Star tried to focus on his annoying habits. Like the fact that he was obsessed with quidditch and pranks or the fact that he did not appear to take anything seriously. It pained her to admit that his sarcastic wit mirrored her own. Ruthlessly she counted off his list of negative attributes. _Sneaky idiotic cocky jerk. _

At the end of the train ride, she sought a futile escape from Fred by asking if she could go on a boat ride with the first years instead of riding in the horseless carriages to the castle. To her vast dismay, Fred volunteered to accompany her. _Freaking great._ Their boat seemed smaller than the others, so no one else could join them. It was irrational to believe that Weasley shrank their vessel on purpose, but Star distrusted his intentions and wouldn't put it past the towering jackass. What insidious plot conspired them to sail in the floating death trap? Punishment for the sins of a past life seemed likely.

Chivalrously he took off his robe to fold into a cushion for her which she refused. His sweater appeared to be enticingly fuzzy and smelled faintly of mint and cookies. _Stop that. Next thing you know you will be snuggling into his embrace and reciting poetry about the ocean storm raging in his eyes. _She snorted. His face looked disturbingly smug. _If he can read my thoughts then I am for lack of a more polite term: screwed. _

Drifting towards Hogwarts, the air was cloying with bracken and sweet heather. Sunset painted a portrait in a hundred shades of rose and peach. Their boat drifted lazily, slowly falling behind the others until it came to a complete stop. A lantern flickered on, illuminating their snug vessel with an ambiance perfect for romance.

"Why did we stop?" Star realized with growing anxiety.

"Not sure maybe we're tangled up in something. It might be the giant squid having some fun with us."

"Flipping fantastic." The edge in her voice belied her words.

"Think you can reach that floating branch over there?" He suggested.

"I guess." She replied tersely wondering why he did not try to get it himself since his arms were longer than hers. The boat teetered precariously as she shifted over to retrieve the branch that was just tauntingly out of reach. Star stretched further and further until…. SPLASH. Surfacing, she sputtered to witness Fred using his wand to levitate the branch to his hand.

"You could have used magic you know since you are of age." He smirked as she mumbled darkly about disembowelment with a rusty spoon and concrete sneakers.

"I think my foot is caught in something. Help pull me up." Star could feel something tugging at her ankle. Abruptly, she disappeared beneath the surface.

"Star where are you?" Fred dangled his arms in the water frantically searching for any sign of her. Without hesitation he jumped into the icy loch. When he finally emerged for air he saw her lounging on her side with her head resting casually on her arm.

"Enjoying your swim?" She gloated in a singsong voice.

"Wench." Ackwardly she dragged him into the boat. He fell none too gently on top of her in gratitude. Their bodies shivering with cold and perhaps something more.

"Get off." She demanded through clenched teeth.

"Can't. There isn't time for that." He insinuated huskily.

Fred fell overboard _(oops… not) as she shoved him away_. Part of her wished the kelpies got him and the other half was relieved when she discovered him backstroking around the boat without a care in the world.

"Quit fooling around and let's go." Impatiently she counted to ten but realized that not even counting to a million would stem the surge of temper building inside of

"How about a little skinnydipping first?" Playfully he kicked water at her scandalized expression.

"Fine. I'm leaving without you then!" Grabbing a paddle she started to row. However she didn't know how to and ended up in going in a gradual circle until Fred grabbed the back of the boat and dog paddled it in the opposite direction.

"You'd make a terrible pirate." Climbing back in the boat, he shook himself like a dog spraying her with water.

"Maybe but that sword would come in handy right now." She replied glacially as he dripped water all over her _on purpose no doubt_.

"But you won't gullet me Starry Star. Who would keep you warm? I volunteer my magnificent self to share some body heat." His heavy breath left her oxygen deprived.

"No thank you. I think I'll take my chances with Squiddy." Squirming away from Mr. Fred 'Tentacles' Weasley, she squeezed excess water from her robes.

"Agua Evanesco." Their clothes were still damp and chilly. Fred wrapped his dry robe around the both of them like a blanket. She did not protest and he did not try to take advantage of the situation.

When they reached the shore, Hagrid was waiting for them. The giant man informed Star that she was to report to Headmistress McGonagall's office before the feast. She did not notice Hagrid winking at Fred as she sauntered away primly. _Curses to all red headed monsters named Fred Weasley._


	3. Not Without My Sister

**Chapter 3: Not Without My Sister**

Standing outside the Headmistress's office, Star examined her reflection critically. Only good breeding (and her sister's restraining headlock) prevented her from shattering the talking mirror into infinite golden pieces. Its sly implication that her appearance was the result of a dalliance with a merman provoked her less than saintly temper. Seven years of bad luck was not worth the price of her vanity. Her once immaculately pressed robes were now rumpled and uncomfortably drenched. This was not the memorable impression she imagined making on her first day. As she untangled the wig of kelp and scourgified the ruined makeup from her scowling countenance, she sneezed. _Great if I catch a cold it would be_ _yet another strike to tally against a certain Fiend Weasley._

"Looks like you survived the Titanic." An invisible voice commented dryly as Star turned around in alarm. Enviously, Star recalled that her sister enjoyed a warm, dry and Fred Free ride in a carriage to the castle.

"Two words: Fred Weasley." The growl in Star's voice made Sky snicker. _This was a Kodak moment. _Sky had never seen her sister looking less than perfect; she swore that the girl woke up out of bed with salon hair and in an equally starched outfit.

"Here have my robes." Sky's robes became visible the moment she handed them to Star. Gratefully Star threw back her wet ones wondering if they required toxic disposal in case of 'Weasley infestation'.

The heavy oak doors swung open and closed violently. An incensed looking Markus Slagwort the III pompously strode out of the room shadowed by a menacing entourage of bodyguards.

"Miss Barrington." The empty smile did not reach his frosty penetrating glare.

"Mr. Slugwart. How nice to bump into you, pity you're not in front of a woodchipper." Star was feeling particularly vindictive after her unexpected bath and Markus would make a fine whipping boy in lieu of an absent red headed prankster.

"It's Slagwort." He corrected tersely. The stiffening of his shoulders indicated that his day had not gone well either.

"Is it?" Her eyebrow arched imperiously. _The other name suits you better. Slugwart… Shagwhore… Scabwyrm… Scagwar… the list was endless._

"You know very well what my name is. And you know who my family is." The last statement sounded vaguely threatening. His two associates flanked him, their arms crossed against massive chests like malevolent gargoyles. Despite the Versace suits, Star recognized them as hired muscle. Aside from their thousand yard stares and bulging concealed weapons, they did not seem overly bright.

"Indeed." Carelessly she smoothed down her gray pleated skirt drawing attention to its short hemline revealing a tanned expanse of legs.

"How is your dear sister?" Slagwort's voice slithered with false concern. He appeared transfixed by her distracting ploy – his Adam's apple bobbed convulsively.

"Sunburnt most likely." Wickedly she wetted her lips. _Maybe I need to headlock Sky to keep her from pushing you out a turret window._

"Where is she?" _In the room jackass. _Advancing towards her, his intimidation tactics amused Star, his breath did not.

"I believe she is mountain climbing in Peru." Star's blithe reply infuriated Markus. He knew that Sky was nowhere near South America. Dangerously, she toyed with him to his growing displeasure.

"Games do not become us." The deadly lilt in his voice cautioned against further defiance. He captured her face with a deceptively powerful grasp.

"Oh I don't know about that Markus. Games can be very… intriguing." Star curled his silk tie between her fingers. Her brazen innuendo caused him to gulp. Discreetly she gripped her wand behind her back.

"Well Star I await… your proposal." Markus's assessment was blatant and ravenous.

"I want you…" Those taunting lips were inches from his as he leaned his face closer to hers. "To leave my sister alone." With a viscious whisper, she twisted his tie like a garrotte... torturously choking the air from his throat.

"That is not negotiable." His reply came out in a strangled gasp. The two thugs loomed behind him, waiting for his instructions like obedient guard dogs when he mimicked a halting motion with his palm. Tensely, Sky poised for action - things were beginning to escalate.

"Let's try this again. My family is not to be touched." Her brandished wand traveled up the length of his thigh lightly. Hand steady, Star knew that would not hesitate for a moment to blast his bits off if warranted. _I would do it for the sake of witches everywhere._

"You know that's not going to happen." Markus snarled mockingly. _She would pay._

"Tell them to back off, if you want to be able to reproduce little Sluggies in the future." The wand pressed cruelly into his groin. He motioned for them to step away.

"We will hunt her down and there is nothing you can do to stop us." Unconcerned by his bravado, Star speculated on whether he plagarized that quote from 'The Villain's Handbook of Melodramatic Lines'.

"Good luck with that. If you meet up with her, send her my regards."

"What's goin' on here?" Hagrid's booming voice and giant frame filled the hallway. While their attention was diverted to the gamekeeper's presence, Star abruptly released his tie and slipped her wand back into its hiding spot.

"We're just saying our sad goodbyes." Her feigned innocence was Oscar worthy.

"The Headmistress asked me to _escort_ you lot off Hogwarts grounds." The Care of Magical Creatures professor glowered at the three men. _Cornering a slip of a lass, I oughta escort you louts to the forbidden forest._

"This isn't over Barrington." The vein in Markus's forehead flickered in a countdown to nuclear explosion. _Mark my words I will hurt you little girl…_

"Yes it is. Our delightful conversation is finished. I believe your exiting line is: I'll get you my pretty and your little dragonling too." She blew him a triumphant kiss with her wand (and not the middle digit as she would have liked to) as they stomped away towards the descending stairs. Secretly she cast a silent itching hex at him. Her actions while childish and nasty were thoroughly satisfying.

"Was that wise Star?" Sky piped up once they were out of earshot and unfortunately wandshot.

"No but I enjoyed it immensely." The evil gleam in her eyes subsided.

"I think you'll need to boil your wand in bleach. Who knows where Markus has been. The man has his fingers in every dirty cauldron from here to Antarctica." Sky scolded teasingly.

"Not in my cauldron." The twins shrieked with anti-climatic laughter.

"So how do you hex someone a new orifice?" Star asked sweetly as she slipped on the dry robes.

"We'll discuss that trick later, hopefully with a Slagwort test subject. For now I'm more interested in this sweet gadget." Sky handed her a slim black device.

"Now where did you learn how to be a pickpocket?" Incredulously Star marvelled at Markus's PDA the latest model.

"It's not pickpocketing, I call it borrowing. We need to see what nefarious activities Slugwart has in store for us." Sky produced his haughtiest Star Barrington imitation.

"So you're looking to spy or is it research? How very Bond of you." Star's approval astounded her twin.

"Absolutely, but that stunt with your wand will be hard to beat. I wonder if Markus will appreciate the Rapunzel curse I threw at him." _No good vendetta goes unpunished. _

"It will go well with that poison ivy hex." Star admitted casually.

"You didn't? You know I'm beginning to think that I'm a bad influence on you." Her twin snorted. Sky was impressed by Star's daring and loyalty. _Who knew that Miss Prim and Proper could be such a femme fatale?_

"No darling. It's the other way around." Feeling Sky's hand squeeze hers, Star strolled confidently into the Headmistress's office.

* * *

Markus pulled out his communication mirror and contacted his brother. _Hmm must have left my PDA at the hotel._

"We have a problem. That old hag McGonagall assures me that Sky is not enrolled here. And Sky's _charming_ sister insists that she is in South America."

"Find her Markus!" Poorly veiled anger emanated from the mirror. _And see to it that she will never testify in court._

"Patience, Magnus. We'll catch her. They are bound to slip up. My informant will be watching Star Barrington… closely." Inexplicably, Markus felt an uncontrollable urge to scratch his chest.

"Don't fail me. You know what happens to those who fail me…" Markus rolled his eyes in response. Dealing with Magnus's tantrums was tedious but his one tracked mind was predictable in that sociopathic way.

"Have I ever brother? We will take over their parents' company and you will have your witness silenced." Markus reassured. _And I will have the other hot tempered sorceress to warm my bed once I am through… chastising her. _Glancing at the sudden plague of angry rash on his arms, he was blinded by pink curly hair spilling past his knees. _That little bitch. _

The mirror faded. Markus cursed as the itch spread to his nether regions. _You're mine Star Barrington._

_

* * *

  
_

Portraits of former school headmasters and headmistresses smiled politely and greeted the girl as she entered the office. An iron chandelier with candles illuminated the room with pleasant warmth. The walled shelves were laden with leathered tomes, yellowed manuscripts and whirling contraptions. A brilliantly plumed phoenix trilled softly from its perch in the corner. Papers and quills were arranged neatly on an antique oaken desk beside a dainty beige china tea set and a half knitted scarf. Behind the desk was a plush velvet armchair covered by a blue and green tartan afghan.

"Welcome Miss Barrington to Hogwarts Academy. I am Professor Minerva McGonagall, the Headmistress of the school. Please have a seat." A formidable witch with square spectacles and brown gray hair pulled back in a severe bun descended the stairs at the back of the room.

"Thank you Professor." They both sat down.

"Would you like some tea?"

"No thank you." The Professor poured dark rosehip tea in her own teacup before adding a spoonful of sugar and a generous dollop of cream.

"We have received your transcripts from your previous school. They are very impressive. Have you decided which advanced courses to pursue this year?"

"Potions, herbology, defense against the dark arts, charms, transfiguration, aristomancy…" Star winced as she felt Sky kick her in reminder. "And care of magical creatures."

"Do you have a career in mind?" The older woman asked curiously.

"I wish to become a healer." _Merlin knows that my sister needs it with all the quidditch and hockey she plays. _

"That is a noble profession. Perhaps you would be interested in assisting Madam Pomfrey in the infirmary?" McGonagall privately wondered if Poppy would be run ragged from all the potential cases (victims) of Weasley Wheezes of the impending school year.

"It sounds ideal. I'd appreciate the experience." The girl smiled in assent.

"Excellent you may commence this Saturday. Speak with Madam Pomfrey to make the arrangements. Now tell me Miss Barrington who is Sky?" Professor McGonagall removed her glasses and cleaned them with a handkerchief.

"She's my sister." Unable to stop herself, Star confessed. She thought that she misheard the professor. _We're busted._

"Is she in trouble? Let me assure you that I have no intention of letting that odious man who calls himself Markus Slagwort the III know about her whereabouts. Please allow me to help you. Where is she?" Her stalwart sincerity almost weakened Star's resolve to keep Sky's secret.

"Sky is in South America ma'am." Star could feel the lie writhing serpentine in her gut.

"Forgive my intrusion Minerva but I believe the girl in question is standing right beside Miss Barrington." Both ladies looked in amazement at the portrait behind the desk. The speaker was dressed in maroon and gold trimmed robes complete with a matching hat. He had a crooked nose, a cascading white beard and even longer flowing white hair. His merry periwinkle eyes belonged to a man that Star instinctively felt she could trust. She was flabbergasted that he could see her invisible twin.

"Allow me to introduce myself. I am Albus Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall's predecessor. Please show yourself my dear." His understanding smile prompted Sky's compliance as she deactivated her invisibility pendant.

"Great Merlin, there are two of you. Explain yourselves." McGonagall broke the silence with her shock.

"We are deeply sorry for deceiving you Headmistress. Do not blame my sister. This is my doing." Sky's contrition was genuine. She worried that Star would be expelled from Hogwart's.

"It is most curious that you feel the need to conceal yourself in such a elaborate manner. Would you care to enlighten us with your story?" Dumbledore settled himself comfortably in a squashy chintz chair in anticipation of an interesting tale.

"I am running for my life." Sky admitted plainly.

"Whatever do you mean dear girl?"

"It's complicated. The family that I am hiding from is well connected with the American mafia. Magnus Slagwort is rich, powerful and a wretched excuse for a human being. I am supposed to testify at his trial about a year from now but the Slagworts have put out a contract on my life." Sky exclaimed passionately.

"Why don't you simply inform the authorities?" Minerva inquired.

"They can't help me. Witness protection or not, if the Slagworts want me dead I will be. What I don't want is the rest of my family to be hurt by them." Sky looked at Star with regret. Modestly pulled down her shirt to reveal an ugly black and gray knotted design branding the upper left swell of her chest.

"Great heavens it's a Dicomordre mark. That barbaric ritual has not been practiced in centuries." The Headmistress nearly dropped her teacup as she gasped at the terrible pattern. The very idea offended her civilized sensibilities.

"To reveal the secrets of the brander would cause the mark to sear through your heart." Dumbledore proclaimed as Sky paled before hastily covering up the mark.

"Yes I'll keep his secrets for now… but not forever. Which is why the Slagworts want to silence me permanently." Sky spoke gravely, refusing to cry even though the moisture in her eyes threatened to overwhelm the tough girl exterior. Lately she contemplated whether a quick death by hitwizard would be preferable to a slow agonizing one due to the mark. Sensing Sky's distress, Star hung a supportive arm around her sister's shoulder.

"That monster! We need to do something about this." Minerva's outrage prompted Sky from her self destructive thoughts. The Professor sympathized with Sky's plight and vowed to help her.

"My sister and I came to Hogwarts hoping we could discover a way to end this curse. Being that the spell originated in this country and that your school has the largest collection of ancient texts in the world, can we research here? Will you allow us to remain?" Star's poignant pleas were difficult to refuse. _Often her parents thought that she would shine in the courtroom as a defense attourney especially when it came to getting out of trouble. _

"Of course you will stay. But we must inform the staff of these unusual circumstances. No one has ever requested asylum from assassination before. It is quite unprecedented. Since you are here I fully expect you to complete your seventh year." Minerva pulled a form from her desk and handed it to Sky to sign.

"It's best for everyone involved if I stay invisible. The Slagworts have eyes everywhere in the wizarding world. I don't want anyone to get in trouble for harbouring a fugitive. It might not be safe either if the law finds me because some of them are on Magnus's payroll. If anyone finds me, I'm running away again." Sky argued. She was not certain who would be more vicious, the lawyers or Markus's enforcers.

"I am certain it will not come to that. Hogwarts is unplottable and well protected by powerful magic." Professor McGonagall stated reassuringly. "Now about your schedule, it would be convenient that you two attend the same classes. We should place you in the same house as well. Have you given any thought to what career path you would like to follow?" Minerva handed the black Sorting Hat to Sky.

"I've always wanted to be an inventor. With regards to house, I think Gryffindor would suit me. I have heard their quidditch team is spectacular." Sky eyed the dusty hat with trepidation, while Professor McGonagall beamed proudly.

"Ravenclaw would be better for both of us." Star nudged Sky forcefully.

"Dungbombs, scissors, parchment then." Sky challenged Star and won. She placed the hat on her head and was relieved that it did not bite off her ears as predicted by Fred. Surprisingly the hat considered her for Slytherin or Ravenclaw as well as Gryffindor. She cajoled the hat to place her in Gryffindor (fire whiskey was its price).

"Gryffindor it is." Star muttered when the hat gave her a decision between Ravenclaw, Slytherin and Gryffindor. _Wait a minute isn't Fred Weasley in Gryffindor? Son of a kneazle!_


	4. Frederick the Menace

**Chapter 4: Frederick the Menace**

_Lucifer step aside, there is a new Prince of Darkness and he calls himself Fred _Weasley. Scanning the Great Hall, Star oriented on the bane of her teenage existence whose flaming hair served as a beacon for the Gryffindor table. _Why must there be two of them? Am I being punished for transgressions in a previous life?_ Stunned by the sight of the identical boy beside him, she was one reason away from turning around and hopping back onto the Hogwarts Express. _Sky there are not enough Galleons to pay off this favor, oh the sacrifices I make for you._

Groaning inwardly she contemplated running away to South America herself rather than face ten months of Fred's vexing presence. The challenge rampant in Fred's eyes, his knowing smirk - Star knew she could not give him the satisfaction of ruining her last term before university. Summoning up a dignity worthy of an empress she serenely strode towards her seat near the back with the other seventh years of her new house. Eyes followed her late arrival with blatant curiosity. Before formal introductions could be exchanged, they were interrupted by the sorting ceremony of the fidgeting first year students.

"Barrington we have to stop meeting like this or people will start to talk." Fred waggled a Weasley eyebrow at the scowling girl as he obnoxiously squeezed himself in the seat between her and Lavender Brown. Star vowed to hex off his eyebrows the first among many other body parts one day. _Nothing he couldn't afford to lose, nothing I'd touch anyways._

"Don't you dare speak to me Weasley. I could have drowned or been devoured by the giant Squid." Star hissed as she stabbed her steak with a vengeance that caused those around her to wince.

"Let's not exaggerate love. As delicious as you look, I'm sure your temper would have given the squid indigestion." He countered glibly.

"All I wanted was a peaceful boat ride preferably away from an ill mannered crup like you." Fuming she slapped his hand harshly as Fred attempted to steal a fry off her plate.

"I don't recall any complaints on the train. In fact you could not get enough of yours truly." He replied derisively. Star's steadily hurled barbs and frosty attitude hurt him especially after the pleasant afternoon they shared together on the train and the loch. Slightly vindicated by the fuchsia staining her cheeks and the lightning fury in her gaze, Fred winked impudently at her.

"What exactly are you implying?" Her voice carried a threatening undertone. Hostility spiked upwards tenfold.

Star mused over Sky's encounter with Fred on the train. Did he take advantage of her sister? _Torture by paper cuts and hot sauce would be too lenient for the brash idiot. _Again she wondered if there was more going on than Sky mentioned. Heads swerved towards their heated but entertaining conversation. The gossip sharks sensed that blood was in the water and the wounds were deepening.

"If we danced any closer they would be announcing our betrothal soon." He stage whispered. _Now that was a clever way to mark your territory Fred me boy. _The smug boy congratulated himself for shocking her so thoroughly that he could even swipe some of her chips without her noticing.

"I don't see how a shotwand wedding would be required to protect your _virginal _reputation." She replied scornfully. A few of the boys snickered at Fred's expense.

"Since I want to wear white to our wedding darling best keep your hands to yourself." Fred informed her somberly. He popped a chip into his mouth. _Yes I would have a hard time keeping my hands off you. That is to keep myself from strangling the living daylights out of you. _

"Would you like something black and blue to go with that something old, new and borrowed?" Star muttered darkly as she realized that he was eating her fries.

Everyone was transfixed by the volley of madness bantered between Fred and the new arrival. Sky nearly choked on dinner roll from laughter as she witnessed their exchange. She coughed until the piece of bread lodged in her throat landed in the soup bowl of a silver haired boy sporting a malicious smirk. Star began coughing loudly to conceal the noise. Sitting across from her an auburn tressed girl poured Star a glass of water.

"Here you go. I apologize for my brother's rudeness. He's being an idiotic git. I'm Ginny Weasley and this boy who unfortunately shares the git's face is George." Ginny pointed to George who beamed at Star with a piece of parsley between his teeth. Other sixth and seventh year students made their introductions and offered hearty handshakes.

"Thank you. I'm Kellene Star Barrington but please call me Star." Star's smile was genuine for everyone with the exception of Fred. She made a brushing motion against her teeth with her finger to George who clued in and blushed profusely.

"Star Barrington, now why does that name sound familiar? Perhaps it's because you wouldn't stop talking about her." George joked at the expense of his irritated brother. He received a bruising elbow to the ribs in retaliation.

"That's gratifying." Star snorted as she ignored Fred.

"Not as gratifying as our little _ride_ this afternoon." Fred did not like to be ignored. He especially did not like the winning smile Star flashed at George.

"You are no gentleman." Her voice grew colder at his reminder of their _ride_.

"Only around actual ladies." He enjoyed provoking Star and wondered if she would slap him.

Sky who had heard enough wanted to fling off her pendant and pound on Fred. Not only was he ruining her sister's reputation but he was unknowingly insulting Sky also. Translating Star's wordless fury into actions she would later regret, Star gripped Fred's head and pushed his face into his vanilla pudding. The tables around them erupted in laughter at his gooey countenance.

"Now that is a vast improvement." Star remarked airily. She stood up to leave the hall not liking the murderous look in his eyes.

Slowly he rose from the bench, wiping the pudding from his face with exaggerated dignity. Star only escaped a few feet from their confrontation when Fred spoke calmly.

"Hey Barrington don't you want any dessert?" He hurled a piece of banana cream pie into her recently cleaned hair. _This is war Fred Weasley!_

She grabbed a tureen of pink ambrosia Jello and poured it down his robes. "There's always room for Jello." She squished the cold jiggling mass against his shirt. The squelching sound was oddly satisfying. To add insult to injury she placed the tureen over his head like a crown.

His mature reaction included dumping a bowl of Seamus's trifle over her head. "You might consider laying off the sweets if you want to be in shape for quidditch." The gasps surrounding them, echoed through out the entire hall.

A strawberry sat jauntily on the top of her head. Wiping the mess from her clothes and hair, her expression became frighteningly unreadable. He folded his arms arrogantly expecting her to scream and rage at him. Everyone else held their breath in anticipation. Even the professors were too shocked to react.

"Mr. Weasley! Miss Barrington…" Headmistress McGonagall shouted from the head table.

Something inside Star breached the barriers of civility and common sense. Forcefully she shoved Fred away from her before she could draw out her wand or anything sharp for that matter. _Expulsion was the least of her worries when her intent veered towards criminal charges._ Clumsily he slipped on the fallen Jello and collided into the Slytherins' table. Gravy and mashed potatoes splattered on a dozen angry Slytherin students. They jumped to their feet and turned towards the rival table. The Gryffindors rallied together, arming themselves with cupcakes and cookies. The two houses stared at each other in a fragile state of détente. Waves of enmity crashed between them.

"You will all cease and desist from this nonsense at once! Put down the food and we will continue the feast in a civilized manner." McGonagall ordered sternly in a voice reserved for generals commanding their troops.

The tension was thick enough to swim through. One preemptive move and their standoff would escalate into the messiest food battle in Hogwarts' history. The headmistress prayed to Merlin, Morgana and to whatever higher power was available that the young men and women would act in a mature and disciplined manner befitting of their prestigious school. She would have liked to proclaim that this was a monumental day that Slytherins and Gryffindors set aside their centuries old feud…

Sadly this was not the day.

A mountainous layer cake from the head table levitated its way between the two enemy houses. Everyone eyed the cake warily as it made a trip towards the seventh year area. It hovered and spun a few times before detonating like a grenade of cherries, white icing, sprinkles, cream and sumptuous cake fragments.

"Attack!" An anonymous voice screamed.

The ferocious battle cries of hundreds of students roared above the objections of their scolding professors. Chicken legs went sailing above the heads of the Gryffindors and struck a few Ravenclaw fifth years who promptly responded with a shelling of dinner rolls slathered with butter and blueberry compote. There was no neutral territory, the battle zone swollen like a contagion. The Hufflepuffs used their platters as shields as they joined the fray. Some of the younger students were used as human shields by the Slytherins.

Initially the houses were allied against one another but it quickly disintegrated into a free for all. Dodging boiled carrots artillery, a few students took refuge under the tables. Full course meals went sailing through the air. The floors were a slippery disaster. The first years were camoflauged in ketchup and mustard war paint as they chased each other around the hall whooping and hollering.

* * *

Those professors brave enough to physically intercede between the students were assaulted by a medley of vegetables, a barrage of roasted meats and a monsoon of sticky treats. Filius Flitwick was flattened by a baked ham that was bowled down the table. _Strike! _Madam Hooch evaded the bludgeresque flying apples with moves not seen since her quidditch days. Notably Severus Snape and Saryn Sinistra hid or rather stood discreetly behind their chairs.

"Ravenclaw would be proud of your _bravery_ in the face of adversity, Sinistra." Snape remarked slyly to his colleague, his lips curling in a superior smirk. _When does this man not smirk?_

"I suppose it should not come as a surprise to find the Slytherin Head of House lying low while chaos erupts, Snape." Sinistra ducked as a hail of peas and butter was thrown her way.

"It's called a strategic retreat." He intoned loftily. Oblivious to the punchbowl looming above him, he looked amused as Saryn shook out a few errant peas from her robes.

Sinistra opened her mouth to warn the snarky professor but shut it immediately in a moment of devilish inspiration. Flashing him an enthralling smile she triumphantly enjoyed his sputtering as the bowl tipped over. His perfectly starched cassock was drenched and his hair straggled in front of his face like a wet sheepdog. The vein in his forehead throbbed. His sallow face looked remarkably scarlet in volcanic fury.

"You were saying?" Absently Saryn picked a pineapple ring from his shoulder. Her gesture was feathery but Severus reacted as if he were singed.

"You seemed parched Saryn. Perhaps you would care for some refreshment?" Saryn quirked a supercilious eyebrow at his silkily expressed suggestion.

She did not trust him. He presented a goblet to the dark haired witch in a gesture of peace. Before she could protest, he spilt the contents of the cup over her bodice. Saryn gasped in disbelief and partially from the ice cubes. With a flourish he handed her his white handkerchief to use.

"As usual Severus, your gentlemanly sensibilities astound me." Snatching the cloth from his fingertips she dabbed at her blouse.

His eyes darkened as he watched her breathe, the wet material plastered enticingly against her ample… charms. Realizing where he was staring, she grabbed a meringue pie and smashed it in his leering face. The gauntlet was thrown down. An unprofessional giggle escaped from her as she bolted down towards side door chased by an vengeful potions master.

* * *

Poor Nigel was pinned down by a group of Hufflepuff girls who decorated him with various condiments like a Jackson Pollack painting. _He did not complain but chocolate and hot sauce was a clashing combination._

The normally decorous Padma Patil and Pansy Parkinson were engaged in a wild tussle in a mixture of Jello and fruit salad. Their robes were ripped away leaving them in their school uniforms. Padma shrieked as Pansy pulled her by the hair to push her into another mountain of Jello. A group of spectators (male of course) were fascinated by the spectacle.

"Excuse me ladies but this behavior is unbecoming of Prefects." The two adversaries halted momentarily as Blaise Zabini stood between them. "At least use some whip cream too." He sprayed the two girls with canisters of whip cream. Blaise immediately became the target of their combined ire. If he were to die he would have expired with a smile on his face.

Luna Lovegood walked amidst the frenzied carnage unscathed in her quest for cherries to use as new earrings.

Lavender Brown pelted Seamus with coconut macaroons.

"Stop it! I'm deathly allergic to coconut." The Irish boy squealed as he ducked behind Dean Thomas.

"Oh I'm so sorry Seamus I didn't know." Lavender apologized profusely and stopped her bombardment.

"Actually I lied, I'm not." He grinned fiendishly as he threw a handful of creamed corn towards the wrathful girl who lunged at him. _Run Seamus Run!_

"Finnegan you better run back to Ireland before I get my hands on you." He was too fast to catch as he bolted across the table to avoid certain dismemberment.

Theodore Knott was bodily dragged along a Ravenclaw table, through puddles of beef Wellington, plates of spaghetti and a pyramid of souffle. It gave a new meaning to international cuisine.

George Weasley charged across the length of the Slytherin tables bellowing a thunderous "Gryffindor" in an audacious display of courage also know as kamikazee insanity. Milk and pumpkin juice hosed down a battalion of Slytherins with cannoned force. They hurled an assortment of pureed squash and even some cutlery in retribution. He jumped off the table like a superhero and raced towards the Hufflepuff table to repeat his performance.

Millicent Bullstrode ate with an unflappable gusto. She spied her favorite pastry and the last intact caramel éclair lodged in the robes of Neville Longbottom. Neville believing that he was being attacked screamed and sped away from his persistent pursuer. Collin Creevy snapped pictures for the Hogwart's Chronicle. _They would make great brochures for parent teacher night, bloopers for the yearbook and an occaisonal bit of blackmail._

Peeves cackled wildly as if Christmas had come early for the poltergeist. He tossed muffins, salad and everything in between at students and staff alike with impunity. The food went through him much to the chagrin of his victims. He floated lazily by the chandeliers when all of a sudden he was struck by a phantom muffin. He looked to his left and to his right but did not see the culprit. Another muffin hit the back of his head. He glanced up and a group of Hogwarts ghosts waved at him stockpiled with ghostly food stuffs. Peeves flew away shrieking while biscuits and tomatoes rained down on him.

Terry Boot gathered together his house to run a campaign against the Gryffindors second years. The younger students besieged their elders with cauldrons of mushroom soup. The Ravenclaws overturned their table as protection against the savage lion cubs.

Ginny Weasley lobbed tarts with the stealth of an assassin and the accuracy of a sniper. _Take that Romilda Vane._

Sky Barrington used her invisibility to her advantage. Draco Malfoy who was too busy terrorizing Hannah Abbott with pork and beans, did not notice the honey glaze in his hair topped off with soup crackers and a copious wad of chewing gum (newly chewed) until it drizzled down his forehead. He swore a blue streak as he felt the back of his stylishly coiffed hair now gloopy and snarled. _Wash and rinse are courtesy of the Barrington Salon. _A cloud of pepper enveloped Vincent Crabbe. Sneezing violently he knocked over Gregory Goyle who landed backside first into a vat of curry. Hannah escaped their clutches but not before she got her revenge. Each boy received a raspberry custard facial. _Never mess with a Hufflepuff, boys._

_

* * *

  
_

"ENOUGH!" McGonagall's indignation thundered through out the Great Hall. She stood before them tall and terrible.

Everyone was rooted to the spot. Beverages dripped all over the floor, benches were overturned and the tables were a shambles of dishes and an unsalvageable feast. The children were unrecognizable statues beneath layers of glopping sauce and miscellaneous appetizers.

"Never in all my years of teaching, have I witnessed such unseemly behavior. You will all remain here and clean this mess without magic. If there is a speck of food remaining the Christmas Ball shall be canceled. This weekend all students will assist Professor Sprout with fertilizing the greenhouse plants. You will also help Professor Hagrid in the collection of stinksap and itchthistle from the swamps. Fred Weasley and Star Barrington will report to my office at six in the morning." The headmistress glowered at the two students who faced each other in a two handed baguette duel.

With a wave of a wand, mops and buckets appeared. Headmistress McGonagall cast a withering look at her equally delinquent staff before striding hastily through the teachers' back entrance door. The students and teachers collectively sighed in relief as no points were taken off the houses. Indeed if that were to occur every single house would be in the negative thousands before the start of the year.

* * *

As soon as Minerva McGonagall slammed the door shut in the antechambers, her mouth twitched. The twitch evolved into a smile. Thoughts of her staff covered in pie and gravy eroded the last bastion of her self control. The fact that everyone forgot to use a Protego spell to protect themselves from the debris was priceless. She let out a hearty chuckle which erupted into a mad fit of mirth that brought tears to her eyes. Banging the wall she clutched her hurting side and reminisced about the food fight that happened in her third year. As she recalled she had made Tom Riddle face plant into a plate of Haggis and clapshot. The normally no nonsense Headmistress succumbed to another howl of laughter.


	5. Snide and Prejudiced

**Chapter 5: Snide and Prejudiced**

_Add seventeen drops of moonlight dew distilled with six pinches of pixie dust. Allow the syrup to cool and crystallize. _George scrawled the final instruction in his notebook before swirling the beaker of sparkling mixture. Slowly he poured the contents into cube molds neatly arranged on a tray. Just as he was about to bring the concoction to an empty cupboard, Fred burst in through the door.

"FORGE!" Fred yelled excitedly. George fumbled the tray, watching in horror as glass shattered across the floor in puddles of green and purple liquid

"GRED! You tosser! I've been working on that batch of Levitating Lollipops for hours. It's ruined." Roughly George shoved his twin away to search for a broom. _And to find a place to shove it…_

"Don't be a pompous bighead, Georgie-Pie this is important." He hopped onto the table and crossed a leg over his knee foppishly. Oblivious to the shambles Fred made of George's workspace and of the irrate eye daggers thrown in his direction, he snooped through the jars and sachets of ingredients.

"Whatever it is the answer is no." Recognizing the scheming twinkle in Fred's expression George grew wary. He then proceeded to straighten up the glassware and scales, determined to avoid whatever mischief his brother had brewing under that ginger mop of his.

"But I need a favor." Fred cajoled while sniffing at a dubious vial tentatively. He grimaced - the skunkish methane reek was overpowering. _Me thinks I will cough up a lung now or at the very least my spleen._

"Why do I get the feeling that I don't want anything to do with this _favor_?" Snatching the smouldering vial away, George stoppered it with a cork and labelled it 'Fart Fumes'.

"Come on mate. You know you can't resist me, I'm the more charming twin." Fred boasted in a singsong voice without acknowledging his brother's responding snort. _Charming as the warts on Trevor the toad._

"Watch me. See Forge go bye bye." George gathered up the unused materials and walked towards the exit, stopping long enough to wave a rude gesture in farewell.

"Don't be like that. You haven't even heard my offer yet." Fred flicked his wand and the door shut, narrowly missing George's nose.

"Right then. What do you want?" Resigned to his fate as Fred's prank slave, George turned around. Normally he was a willing co-conspirator but today he had slogged through a marathon of classes, detention (for making it hail peas and carrots over the staff table during the infamous food fight), homework and experiments for the shop.

All he could think about was a steaming mug of marshmallow smothered cocoa and bed. With absolutely no thoughts about a particular Miss Barrington – none whatsoever... It was the type of day that could make a grown wizard pull his stuffed bear from a secret compartment out of his trunk and take refuge under the covers until the salvation of the weekend.

"I need you to do my detention with Snape this evening." Plucking the box from his shell shocked twin, Fred waited for the explosion

"Two words – HELL NO!" _Those weren't the first two words that came to mind but one never knew when a professor would come strolling by in the hallways. _It was bad enough to be doing extra projects in potions but to voluntarily spend detention with the hook nosed git of a potionsmaster – Fred was cracked to think he would agree to this unpleasant arrangement.

"Why not? You've never refused to switch with me before. What's one wee detention after the decades of detention we've racked up during school?" Fred blinked in surprise as George poked him in the chest with a lollipop stick he enlarged to the size of a rapier.

"Snape git. Gred mental. Forge tired. Gred go away before Forge disembowels Gred with lollipop." With a 'G' flourish in the air, George took up a stance as if to sword fight.

"Gred will tell Mum that Forge was the one who switched Fleur's conditioner with garlic butter." Fred slyly replied twirling a matching stick sword.

"Oi that be dirty pool." George lunged forward. Fatigue and unresolved aggression battled for control of his body. Maybe if he could give Fred a hard enough thwock to the noggin, Fred would forget or most likely be knocked out for a few hours of uninterrupted bliss.

"Nay it's called incentive." Fred parried deftly as he scooted behind a chair.

"I really should burn that muggle book of business you sleep with under your pillow." George deflected a well aimed thrust at his belly.

"Only if I can chuck your cd collection into the Vanishing Cabinet." Muttered Fred as he hurdled onto a bench to avoid an overhand strike. He regained his footing only to jump as the stick swept by his ankles. With a downward stab, he attempted to pin Fred but his nimble brother rolled beneath a nearby table.

"Why detention tonight, do you have a hot date?" One blow landed solidly on George`s ribs causing him to grunt.

"Can`t a bloke keep a bit of mystery to himself?" Fred huffed. _He had plans…_

"Uh this is you we're talking about. You have a mouth the size of a quidditch hoop and no keeper to save any secrets." Taking advantage of Fred's distraction, George poked him in the heart.

"You wound me. Do you think Barrington would kiss it better?" Pantomiming a fatal death blow, Fred collapsed clutching his chest. His overly exaggerated convulsions caused a chair to topple.

"She would probably snap your twig and squish your berries into marmalade." George commented dryly as he helped his twin to his feet.

"Quite a spitfire that one is. No one witnessed her undoing my belt…" Fred smirked obnoxiously at George's display of alarm. " From my Book of Monsters during study hall this afternoon. My trousers were chewed to shreds - I didn't realize that the book could hop on tables." He dusted off his robes while George minimized the lollipop sticks with a shrinking spell.

"I believe your book chased Parkinson to the Slytherin dormitory where she locked herself in the loo. Apparently it can climb stairs too." George remarked casually.

"Such a pity Forge." Fred replied with a sigh.

"Why's that Gred?"

"I needed that book to prepare for a Care of Magical Creatures assignment."

"Hmmm instead of telling Hagrid that your research was eaten by a dog, you can always say that your research tried to eat a pug." George sympathized as he helped Fred straighten up the classroom.

* * *

How do I get myself talked into these situations? Do I have a sign that says: 'My name is Sky and I will be your sucker today. Please wipe your feet on me after you are done stepping all over me.'? Sky groaned as she focused on getting the stars aligned in a model of a constellation for detention with Professor Sinistra. Correction: Star's detention with Sinistra that she somehow got roped into doing. There were days she wished she was a triplet so that her sister would have someone else to equally bully, bamboozle, and aggravate. Her only consolation was that Sinistra had left the room to gather more materials for this collage of the celestial heavens. _More like celestial purgatory._ No one to hear her use unladylike words in English, Cantonese and French (courtesy of Jacque Belletemps the goalie of her old hockey team). No one to see her toss the wretched project off the astronomy tower aimed 'accidentally' at her own sister.

So close, three more millimetres to the right, she levitated a tiny light into position. It was perfectly lined up and she could only admire it for a minute when…

"ACHOO!" Sparky her mechanical dragon tumbled out of her book satchel with a violent fit of sneezing and a little bit of firebreathing. Enough flames to disintegrate half the collage into ashes.

"ARGHHHHHHH!" Sky quickly doused the fire before it could spread. She stomped on the hem of her robes, the singed material still smouldered much like the rage originating from her ears.

Her expression of wrath could have melted that tin-can-sorry-assed-excuse of a familiar and sent it scurrying back home… to Vancouver. Instead Sparky looked dolefully at her, contrition apparently not something expressable in dragon mannerisms. The creature did not appreciate the confined quarters of the dormitories and took it upon himself to stowaway with her quills and textbooks. He hissed as if amused by the tiny fake stars swirling in disarray.

"You little pyromaniac, it would serve you right if I give you a bath." Sky muttered as she brushed burnt remnants off the worktable. Sparky hated water, it made him rust in uncomfortable places.

Catching a stray star (which was probably trying to escape a fiery death) between her fingertips, she tried charming them back in some semblance of order before starting again. Sparky flew onto her shoulder and huffed endearingly nipping at his mistress's ear. He hoped to buy her forgiveness back with affection and random acts of cuteness. Baths were his own version of personal masochism.

"Okay enough with the mushy stuff, shoo and behave. _Nebulido_." Unceremoniously she brushed away her pet as he batted playfully at the mist she conjured.

The dragon growled at her pissily before perching on the candelabra above. _Great Barrington now I have to deal with his sulking as well as put humpty dumpty back together again. _The last time he sulked, he ate Star`s jewelry and regurgitated the pieces all over her favorite sundress. His temper paled in comparison to hers… She threw the necklace eating fiend a warning glare as bits of candle wax dripped on her from his swaying. He stuck his tongue out defiantly between his fangs in response.

"Miss Barrington how goes the project… oh my!" Sinistra examined the disaster in her classroom with a classic British stiff upper lip. _Possibly even stiffer drink to follow said disaster._

Fearfully Sky glanced at the ceiling when all the candles went out.

"Lumos." The professor relit the candles. Thankfully the gremlin aka dragon had pulled a Houdini. _Too bad it wasn't permanent._

"Most have been the wind." The girl lied blithely and walked towards the windows to close the shutters. _Sparky if you're locked out of the castle I hope you brought an umbrella because that lightning storm might fry your metal tail. _"It was going well but I ran into a small problem."

"That is quite alright, we can continue it tomorrow night. I would like you to accompany me to the Forbidden Forest." _Happy happy joy joy. _Professor Sinistra studied the functional (if one could use that term loosely) part of the collage with approval. While her teacher was distracted Sky pushed some dust under a rug with her shoe and tossed the remaining scorched parchment into the wastebasket.

"Let me clean this up first… Did you say the Forbidden Forest?" It was difficult to keep the excitement and slight terror out of her voice. She knew that the forest was off limits to the students but she had plans of visiting it at a later date… for purely academic reasons of course. A sanctioned trip there was almost worth the price of detention.

Sky opened the broom cupboard and nearly gasped to see Parvati playing tongue hockey with that icy blond from Slytherin. Parvati raised her finger to her lips in the universal signal for 'shhhh don't tell' while the boy Malford? Millfoy? gestured for her to close the door and go away. Red faced, Sky slammed the door and left the hormonal couple to their makeout session.

"Silly me I left the broom by the wall." _Now if only I could beat my head with it until I forgot the sight of the two of them groping their way to second base. Wait what's second base again?_

The professor paid her no heed as she sorted out the supplies from a rusty iron chest in the corner. Sky's jaw nearly hit the ground when she spotted Sparky dancing a jig on the shelf above. Frantically she tried to catch the dragon's attention but he was too busy doing the macarena (quite well considering the stubby paws he had even if that dance should be gutshot and left in an alley to die).

"Just a few more minutes before we depart." Sinistra seemed intent on reading a letter while Sky pretended to be cleaning when only seconds ago she was making threatening motions at Sparky with a broom.

Then the demonic dragon started doing the can can on a shelf of very expensive and highly breakable astrological devices. His whomping tail knocked off a glass globe. Sky slid across the floor to snatch it out of the air. She vowed to rip out his magical battery and mail it to the South Pole.

"Is something the matter dear?" Sky hid the globe behind her back when Sinistra looked up from her paper.

"I … thought I saw a mouse." _A metallic rat with wings and a bellyful of hellfire mayhem. Was my nose growing longer yet?_

"Stars and heavens look at the time, we must be off or it will be morning soon." Grabbing an ermine cape and a sturdy oak staff, Sinistra paused to primp her ebony curls in the mirror and freshen her rose hued lipstick.

Perhaps it was odd to be traipsing about the Forbidden Forest in maroon velvet robes and gold braided sandals but Sky failed to comment on it. Rather she tried to capture one metallic fiend currently on the lam and stuff him back (with extreme prejudice) into her school bag without being seen. Flitting sneakily in the rafters, he peeked at her as if it were a game of hide and seek. Frustrated she dropped a handful of nuts and bolts on the floor, Sparky's favorite snack. Greedily he descended on the yummy iron rich treat unaware of the bag hovering above him. _Gotcha!_

"Make a noise and I'll give you as a Christmas present to Star." Her whispered threat had the desired effect as the restless lump in the satchel stilled. He nested in her crumpled Charms homework a lovely surprise for later. Star was exponentially scarier than baths. Pink bows and lacey frou frou outfits, a dragon albeit a mechanical one still had his pride.

* * *

Wandering through the trees and not a werewolf or vampire to be found. _Why was this place called the Forbidden Forest again?_ As if on cue there was an unexplained rustling in the bushes. _What was that? _Startled George nearly hexed the leaves off a tree. _Nerves of steel… right. _ He felt strangely vulnerable in the darkness, the menace of trees looming above – the ground wriggling with the unimagineable. It was a moonless night, the stars faded in a swarm of restless clouds. The sky rippled with ozone proclaiming the gale to come. Drenching rain and the possibility of electrocution aside, he needed to seek out the bright side of this nocturnal excursion. Maiming by unicorn herds. Kidnappings by banshees. Strangulation by kelpies. Possession by phantoms. Supper for giant spiders. _The things I do for extra credit. _If Bill could see me now I'd never hear the end of it. He clutched his wand like the teddy bear that did not exist in the false bottom of his school trunk.

Where was a giant fuzzy spider when you needed one? Any maneating beast would do. _Eat me and spit out the bones._ Anything to save him from Snape's snide comments and contemptuous snorting. Previously the dour faced professor hovered over George like a vulture on day old carrion - criticizing every stir, every painstakingly measured addition of ingredient. One would think they were manufacturing dynamite instead of brewing up a draught of endurance. There was no justice in having to spend the rest of the school term assisting Snape while his twin got to be Hooch's quidditch assistant. The headmistress felt that as returning older (not necessarily more mature) students they would benefit from extra projects. George wondered if this was more to keep the twins too busy for mischief. And now it was eleven o'clock on a Friday night spent in the forest searching for Acromuntula webbing with Professor Snape (and a lead pipe but that was wishful slightly murderous thinking). _Fred you wanker._

Snape. There was something different about man. Granted his scowl was still jagged, his skin sallow and that beak still hooked and overlarge. Perhaps it was the cologne, marginally less subtle than Hagrid's but a gallon of scent was sufficient enough to cause him to tear up in a manly way of course. The hair appeared moderately less greasy. Even his sinister black cloak billowed with a bounce. Something suspicious was afoot but the prankster could not identify the source. _Wand out George boy must keep the wits about yourself in the forest. _Never know when one could be nibbled to death by a bowtruckle. Ruddy creatures with sharp teeth and the knack to make the most obscene gestures when hacked off much like Ginny. _Evil does come wrapped up in small concentrated packages… natch – Star Barrington._

Could the man cease his whinging about some old bird (who must be blind deaf and dumb emphasis on the dumb to be interested in sanctimonious slimeball). The mental image of Snape snogging a woman (a grindylow perhaps) could make a lad spew (not in the house elf saving way either) his rum pudding. Snape swam in serious denial and an ocean of oblivion to the fact that he was discussing female problems with a student… a Weasley twin at that. The potions master muttered about scandal, improprietary and starry eyed twits. For a man who practically invented Wolfbane potion, the amount he knew about the fairer sex could fit in a tea cosy. True women were daft… Barrington case in point … according to Fred. But men were dafter to chase women despite the daftness usually resulting in tears, screaming, and potential thwacks upside the head. Then again George's ideas of romance formulated when he was ten. Looking at his recent history and having been the recipient of several head thwackings not much had changed.

Now where did Snape slither too? George could no longer hear the man's snarky muttering just the crackle of autumned leaves as he crept through the willow grove. Shadow tendrils twisting within arm's length of his illuminated wand – the unknown beckoning on the vined path before him. Quickening his steps, George hoped he was heading in the same direction as Professor Snape. Hunting for spiderwebs in the darkness seemed like a bad premise for a horror novel and not an appropriate task for detention. He damned Fred once more and Snape twice for good measure.

So what would he do if he found a web? What if it had a predigested cocoon in it (hopefully Snape)? Yuck. Or worse what if the web's owner was still sleeping in it? _Brilliant I am becoming Ron with his phobia for these eight legged freaks. After all why would any sane person fear a cranky enormous arachnid feeling peckish for a midnight snack of terrified redhead. _On second thought, where was Ron when he needed him, after all his younger brother had shorter legs and would make a more tender meal. If Fred was here, George would hamstring his twin and let him fend for himself. _The manipulative bastard._ But back to the danger at hand: spiders. Were they poisonous? Regretting his failure to have paid more attention in Care of Magical Creatures, he fondly recalled using the time to creep Spinnet out with the most disgusting specimens (non Slytherin ones) in class. Like most spiders it was likely their venom was paralytic. _Less struggle while they cocooned your body, sucked you dried and chomped off your limbs. Who needs all their limbs?! Breathe Weasley breathe. Pay no attention to the glowing eyes lurking in the bushes…_


End file.
